So much

Three months ago, if you had tried to describe to me what my life would look like today, I wouldn't have believed you. So many things have changed-- jobs, housing, transportation, etc. SO MUCH! But for the good. Feeling grateful.

Now What?

I have had a tendency to fill up my time with productive activities with the goal of learning, making money and/or building my resume. In the past I've drawn diagrams of my commitments and my free time with the intention of packing in just one more activity (or two!). One of Eric's goals has been to help me stop and smell the roses, to appreciate down time and to enjoy quality time with friends without rushing out the door with an arrogant self-awareness. The truth is that it wasn't arrogance-- it was a way to build walls of protection, to not get too close to anyone who might hurt me. I didn't want allow anyone to see my weaknesses or to criticize me. So I ran and ran, but not really ran because I always get stomach cramps when I try to.

This past year, I decided to calm down and enjoy people. I purposely only worked enough for us to pay the bills and I started breaking my habit of rushing out the door. Since then, Eric and I have have built better friendships and learned more about each other. Instead of feeling criticized as people saw my weaknesses, I felt more encouraged and loved because I feel like certain people know me better, are more honest and truly love me.

So now that I have jobs set up for next year, working a normal 40 hour week, my initial reaction was that I need to fill up the extra time with commitments. I certainly wouldn't want to be home alone would I? Then I spoke to a theatre professor at Drew who encouraged me to use my time creatively. Without the constant burden of school assignments and deadlines over my head, I can do whatever I want with my time.

So then what does a person who enjoys dabbling in a variety of creative endeavors do? Ideally I want to find a hobby that functions as a creative outlet, glorifies God and quite honestly, that I can excel in. I wouldn't say I idolize certain people in the sense of putting them above God, but I definitely look up to a variety of people who are talented and successful musicians, photographers, playwrights, writers and parents.

Where do I even start? Probably by just doing what I love. Even though it's hot and our little apartment doesn't have air-conditioning, when everyone else is at work, I probably just need to start doing what I love to do rather than spending seven hours a day browsing the internet. I want to be a producer rather than just a consumer. Please understand these are my pipe dreams: I want to be a producer of harmonies and lyrics, of beautiful photographs, of unique perspectives and story lines, of passion and joy. I want to make people think and laugh and love. While a part of me desires to be successful, accomplished and honored, it is probably more likely that I will die in obscurity as most artists do (E and I have had this conversation before about artists). And perhaps that is fine if I have lived a life of love.

But when no one is around to love, rather than become depressed that I'm alone, I will try to use my time productively in the creative sense. Not sure which creative route I'll take yet, maybe all of them and we'll see what happens. Goal: To enjoy the joys of life offered by God.

Sigh of contentment

Last day as a 26 year old...

I like the even years.

However, I have a feeling this odd year will be pretty good.

I've already gone through my quarter life crisis and I can appreciate that I know how to cook some pretty good meals, provide a roof over our heads, get along with my family and have many friends. Hopefully this next year will be one of good health and more love.

Whew!!!

My life is finally in order!! For the next indefinite amount of time, I will be working part-time in ministry, part-time in childcare. I'm not going to go into details because that's how folks get into trouble, but I am thrilled to be at two first choice places. Hopefully everything goes well!!

Gratitude and Anticipation

I was walking home this afternoon carrying groceries thinking about the numerous things I appreciate about life at the moment. Since we're facing the prospect of big changes, I think it's appropriate to take a moment to list the things we enjoy as we start our second year of marriage:

- living within walking distance of a grocery store and the library

- not living within hearing distance of a train or church bells

- being able to see friends often (not all friends, but some great ones)

- free internet thanks to generous neighbors

- a level bed (I kept complaining about it when I was sick until thanks to my parents and Eric, they figured out how to help... you have no idea how a crooked bed can mess up your back!)

- his/her closets

- good water pressure

- good flavored water from the sink

- a quiet and safe suburban neighborhood

Things we're looking forward to someday acquiring:

- a guest bedroom

- more kitchen counter space

- air-conditioning (more for E since he's used to it)

- a bigger bed

As I write this, I'm thinking about you Kenny and the lifestyle you've chosen living in a slum. I never wanted to be the suburban wife, never wanted to be comfortable in American culture. I can definitely say I'm not comfortable in the culture around me, but Sherri reminds me not to be sucked into the "bigger is better" mentality that surrounds us. How difficult that is when some of the people we love show that mindset.

I certainly married the man who said he'd be willing to move to Uganda with me but here we are making our home in one of the wealthiest states in the US. As the dean taught me, it's just a phase. We'll see what future phases hold.

Morning Routine (2nd day in a row):

This morning I woke up around 7am, watched the Bachelorette online while doing two loads of laundry and after a breakfast of Spanish rice and nachos (is that weird?), I did this 19 minute workout: Bootcamp Body Makeover (beginner). I wouldn't recommend doing this routine with a male significant other if her see-through top would be distracting... However, it made me feel a lot better about myself than the 20 Minute Sweat Workout of which I only got through the first five minutes of strength training before my strength ran out.

Here's to the hope!

Tonight I walked about two miles. Eric had handbell choir so I decided to walk to the church while he was rehearsing and hope that he saw me on the way home in order to pick me up. Despite my dad and Eric's doubts that my plan would work, I didn't have to walk a total of five miles roundtrip. :-)

Thank God I started intentionally exercising today because I found myself stressing out over job opportunities/closings. I'm also thankful that I have great positive people in my life who continue to be supportive and realistic. Here's to the hope of even better things!