Not feeling well...

Working at a children's retail store makes me paranoid. For the past two weeks, I've had strange symptoms-- nausea, bloating, cramps, craving for salsa. It all started when I work up feeling sick two Mondays ago, drank a glass of water and promptly vomited. (TMI?) At lunch on Sunday I realized I had eaten salsa every day the previous week and that it was the only thing that looked appealing on the menu of The Cheesecake Factory. I haven't been exercising and I keep intending to but my lower abdomin is so uncomfortable that walking seems to take exertion. I have no idea what's going on and visits to the doctors aren't my favorite so my game plan is to stop drinking milk (for my on-again-off-again lactose intolerance) and to eat a variety of foods. Exercising should be on my list and I'll do it if I can work up the motivation. I'm totally one of those people who gets every symptom if I know what they are so I'm hoping that this is nothing serious, just a paranoia as I watch pregnant women shop for baby clothes.

Waiting another week and half for Auntie seems to be an eternity!

Combustion

It's official, I'm a workaholic. I've been trying to figure out what to do next semester regarding school, work and marriage and a thought keeps creeping into my conscious, "Since I don't have kids yet, I should be capitalizing on my time and trying to make as much money/soak in as many experiences/add to that resume as much as possible while there's still time." This mindset was well demonstrated last spring as I worked 50+ hrs a week, writing papers while sitting in lectures, shopping for wedding gifts during classes and frantically running to the store during lunch to pick up necessities. Yesterday I found a prayer written on March 15th about feeling like I was crumbling yet thankful that we were healthy and that food was in the refrigerator.

I'm not sure that without Eric I would ever have reassessed this attitude. When I was a freshman, a kind-hearted senior asked me why I was so busy and I quipped with a wave, "Because if I weren't, I'd realize I was depressed." Then I managed to get myself into three shows in the same month...

Eric isn't a workaholic. He's not lazy but he also won't deny that he enjoys staring at a blank wall. I tried to get him to excuse himself as being an artist and imagining the creations he could create upon the blank wall but he's corrected me saying, "No, sometimes I really just like to have no distractions so I can think."

Well I think I can think on the run. I manage to get good grades and to meet a lot of people when I'm running on the effects of caffeine. I actually appreciate the theological school's emphasis on personal boundaries but I like to guard my time management boundaries so I can make it to the next gig. I even generally manage to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. There is one catch however...

I want my marriage with Eric to succeed. I want to spend time with my favorite person who is so different from me in some ways. I want to figure out why he doesn't feel guilty about not being able to distribute wealth evenly worldwide. I want to learn how he can spend time with people, giving them his full attention without feeling the pressure to run off to another commitment. I want to have hobbies and special skills like the way he can play guitar and juggle. I want to feel relaxed when we cuddle. With these desires and my track record, I started planning next semester...

With only two semesters left, I'm trying to make sure to get required classes in with a couple personal interest electives (playwriting and the history of western ethics). After Eric figured out a budget, I knew exactly how much I needed to make each week and I had a few part-time job options. Last night when Eric got home from work, he patiently listened to me talk out all the options from one part-time job 12hrs a week to three part-time jobs simply to fill my free time when he's gone. Thankfully he reminded me that graduate school supposedly requires homework and that I could actually leave free mornings so I can write papers and read textbooks instead of doing it in other classes. With his encouragement, it looks like I'll actually have three free mornings a week one of which I'll spend with Sherri and her babies. I'll limit myself to working two part-time jobs that will only be about 12-25 hours a week depending upon the week. I'll take the maximum course load... jeepers this kind of isn't sounding easy however if Eric hadn't encouraged me to chill out I would probably continue on a trajectory of internal combustion.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Weekend Trip

Last weekend, Eric and I went on a road trip to NH with his mom and pop. Despite construction on 287 that kept us moving at a snail's pace for two hours on our Friday night drive and despite arriving at my mom's house at 3am (ugh), we had a lovely weekend. We had my first birthday meal in seven years with my parents and grandparents at my favorite restaurant, went swimming in the lake, played a couple games of bowling and concluded the evening with a family game of Balderdash. A lot was crammed into a short amount of time but it was a great time for everyone to let down their hair, feel more comfortable with each other and enjoy a short vacation. :-)

My last day as a 25-year old

This past year has been amazing. Insane, but amazing.

I've worked with and held my own with the Lakota Native Americans in South Dakota, a teenage girls' group in a wealthy New Jersey town and a group of hospital chaplain interns of which I was the youngest by fifteen years. I've trekked into NYC weekly to work with the chaplain at the Church Center for the UN, had an article published in a national magazine and sang on a produced CD while becoming a certified candidate for ordination. I've gotten married and successfully fluffed the dress of my best friend as her maid of honor. Eric and I have moved into our first apartment, split up the chore list, made a budget and thus far have remained within budget. I've recently started my first retail position as a sales associate at a children's retail store. And I'm about to start my final year at Drew Theological School.

I'm in the process of learning that being is more important than doing (though even noting my accomplishments above seems to contradict that statement...), that my opinions are valid and worthy of being shared and that the criticism of others doesn't have to weigh me down. I feel that Drew has successfully made me a critical thinker regarding theology. This process has led to endless difficult conversations with Eric about different perspectives of God and faith and he has patiently husband withstood my struggles to articulate what I've been learning. I've just recently reached the place where I can read theological perspectives that I disagree with while being able to appreciate the author's intentions. Thankfully Eric and I have found a church where we both feel comfortable with the theology, music and church family. Since neither one of us is working there, we can appreciate the spiritual food without being on the spot to lead other sheep.

I'm obsessed with reading blogs about Christian missionary families. While I somewhat enjoy dreaming about the future wishing it were here, I'm reading Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow and I think she would remind me to enjoy the moment. Though I dreamt about our first child a couple nights ago... I dreamt that I thought he was brilliant and then I forgot his name...

One of my best friends had twins this spring and her seventeen month old son was our ring bearer. She is a constant reminder to me that things will work out and that I don't need to be so worried about life.

My brother did an internship in CA this spring, flew to the east coast for my wedding and then was offered a job at the brewery where he was working. On Valentine's Day weekend, my sister got engaged to another med student from CA. My parents and I are wondering how they both are ending up on the other side of the US.

This summer Eric's aunt and uncle's house caught on fire and thankfully they and their dogs are fine although the house had a lot of damage.

As far as I can remember, those were the highlights of the year. Who knows what next year will bring? May it be a year of love, joy and peace not only in my household and family but around the world.

P.S. I heard a prayer this year that has stuck with me, "Lord, please be with all those who haven't been prayed for today." May that also be true.