Combustion

It's official, I'm a workaholic. I've been trying to figure out what to do next semester regarding school, work and marriage and a thought keeps creeping into my conscious, "Since I don't have kids yet, I should be capitalizing on my time and trying to make as much money/soak in as many experiences/add to that resume as much as possible while there's still time." This mindset was well demonstrated last spring as I worked 50+ hrs a week, writing papers while sitting in lectures, shopping for wedding gifts during classes and frantically running to the store during lunch to pick up necessities. Yesterday I found a prayer written on March 15th about feeling like I was crumbling yet thankful that we were healthy and that food was in the refrigerator.

I'm not sure that without Eric I would ever have reassessed this attitude. When I was a freshman, a kind-hearted senior asked me why I was so busy and I quipped with a wave, "Because if I weren't, I'd realize I was depressed." Then I managed to get myself into three shows in the same month...

Eric isn't a workaholic. He's not lazy but he also won't deny that he enjoys staring at a blank wall. I tried to get him to excuse himself as being an artist and imagining the creations he could create upon the blank wall but he's corrected me saying, "No, sometimes I really just like to have no distractions so I can think."

Well I think I can think on the run. I manage to get good grades and to meet a lot of people when I'm running on the effects of caffeine. I actually appreciate the theological school's emphasis on personal boundaries but I like to guard my time management boundaries so I can make it to the next gig. I even generally manage to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. There is one catch however...

I want my marriage with Eric to succeed. I want to spend time with my favorite person who is so different from me in some ways. I want to figure out why he doesn't feel guilty about not being able to distribute wealth evenly worldwide. I want to learn how he can spend time with people, giving them his full attention without feeling the pressure to run off to another commitment. I want to have hobbies and special skills like the way he can play guitar and juggle. I want to feel relaxed when we cuddle. With these desires and my track record, I started planning next semester...

With only two semesters left, I'm trying to make sure to get required classes in with a couple personal interest electives (playwriting and the history of western ethics). After Eric figured out a budget, I knew exactly how much I needed to make each week and I had a few part-time job options. Last night when Eric got home from work, he patiently listened to me talk out all the options from one part-time job 12hrs a week to three part-time jobs simply to fill my free time when he's gone. Thankfully he reminded me that graduate school supposedly requires homework and that I could actually leave free mornings so I can write papers and read textbooks instead of doing it in other classes. With his encouragement, it looks like I'll actually have three free mornings a week one of which I'll spend with Sherri and her babies. I'll limit myself to working two part-time jobs that will only be about 12-25 hours a week depending upon the week. I'll take the maximum course load... jeepers this kind of isn't sounding easy however if Eric hadn't encouraged me to chill out I would probably continue on a trajectory of internal combustion.

I'll let you know how it goes.