This is it

In exactly five months as of today, I will be marrying Eric Valosin (God, please be willing!). After enjoying Christmas at home with my family with lots of chocolate, exotic food and wine, it's time to get serious about getting in the best health of my life in preparation to walk down the aisle. Now technically, I think it's a better idea to gain weight so that I can have years of pleasure recognizing how much better I look compared to my wedding photos... but I'll jump on board the bride bandwagon of health freaks and exercising gurus mostly because there's a goal: May 29th, 2010.

On a brides' website, I think I found the ideal "diet": eat 3 meals and 3 snacks from the 12 food groups every day and cheat once a week. I didn't even know there were 12 food groups! Even though I did a pretty good job exercising this past semester with three dance classes a week, I consistently ate only 2 food groups: pasta and nachos. Scrambled egg wraps with bacon were my Saturday morning treat. So you can imagine that I had some shopping to do if I was going to diversify my diet to include nuts, dairy, berries, lean meats, protein, whole wheat, peanut butter, olive oil, greens, beans, instant oatmeal (now I don't know what the 12th group is).

After spending 90 minutes stocking up on every discounted whole wheat cracker, frozen fruit and yogart, I'm starting this hot diet (do I really have to call it that if I'm actually encouraged to eat more food?) with a homemade smoothie. Little green specks of spinach intrigue me as I gulp the raspberry-vanilla goodness. Hopefully this enthusism will continue after I start a rigorous class and work schedule in late January. :-)

P.S. I found a wedding dress over the weekend! Now I know what exactly needs to be toned...

P.P.S. Praise God-- I don't have cancer! My doctor's been testing me for it since August and finally a specialist said I was fine.

it never stops!

I keep wanting to relax into Christmas without commitments, but at my last doctor's appointment this morning before the holiday, Dr. recommended I go see a specialist in order to get a second opinion. Ugh! So I have one more appointment. I keep trying to remember that the doctors probably don't want to be there anymore than I do. And I keep praying that my health is actually as good as I think it is.

4/7

I'm done with my fourth semester of seminary! This week I took finals, finished teaching the after-school aviation and drama classes, was accepted into CPE after my interview, got an oil change and found out my timing belt was right on the verge of snapping, just got the belt changed this morning, got next semester's books out of the library to read over break, bought and wrapped some presents and tried to enjoy this last week with Eric before I go home for a week. After finally getting eight hours of sleep and getting my car back from the shop with a lower bill than I had expected, I'm feeling more relaxed than I have in months. So thankful for this breath of fresh air.

Over break, I just have to read and plan a wedding because in five weeks, I'm back to 50+hr weeks. ;-)

Amazing Day

Preaching went well (twice!) and Eric and I got to enjoy (and participate!) in a concert of Mark Miller's. Eric's mom came to hear me during the second sermon and it was all around a great day! And we topped it off with a trip to the gym. I love weekends with this guy. :-)

A word

Tomorrow I preach for the first time in front of a congregation, and I'll be preaching twice in the morning! Prayers would be appreciated.

Texas

Having a great time in Dallas at the Sheraton for EXPLORATION 2009. While I'm leading a small group of college students about discerning their callings about ordination in the United Methodist Church, I'm enjoying a huge comfortable bed, good food and a great gym. It's nice to live in luxury occassionally, especially when it's not expected! Thank you, Drew, for bringing me here!

Where in the US is...

Last weekend in Pittsburgh for a wedding, Dallas this weekend for a conference, next week I'm sticking around NJ in order to preach for my first time to adults (!) and then we'll be in NH for Thanksgiving. Life's not boring around here!

Snails and Wine

Eric and I had such a great night last night. He picked me up after class and took me out to dinner at The Garlic Rose in Madison where he had a stuffed chicken breast and I had garlic chowder and escargot. Then we went back to my place where he surprised me with a bottle of fancy champagne and I surprised him with a love note written three months before we started dating. Ooo, am I so glad I get to marry this guy!

A Year and a Half

Eric and I have been dating for a year and a half today. :-) On May 3, 2008, Eric and I were on a camping trip with IVCF and the group was sitting at a picnic table on a beach when Eric started playing a drawing game with me. Everyone slowly dispersed but we kept playing. Then Eric asked me if we could start dating. I said yes and we stood up to give each other a hug. As we started walking towards the rest of the group that had started playing tag, I stopped Eric with an important piece of information, "Just so you know, I've never been kissed." "How is that possible?" was Eric's perfect response. I am such a lucky girl!

Beautiful weekend!

Eric wants me to tell you that he drove a Porsche on Sunday. :-) Thanks, Affan!!

We had a great weekend with a date at a new Chinese restaurant, a night at the theatre, a movie, bike riding, spaghetti with mussels, making caramel apples, watching Brothers & Sisters and then eating popcorn in front of the Yankees game. Couldn't have asked for better.

Oh, technology...

I have enough experience with operating sound and lights as a theatre major to understand the importance of technology working flawlessly during performances in order to avoid detracting from the performers' hard work. Now as a chapel steward, I drive myself crazy trying to make the mics and lights just perfect. In the past month, I have had the following experiences:

Wedding #1: Lots of pre-recorded music cues that required fading. It went perfectly.

Wedding #2: Just turn on two mics for the duration of the ceremony. The deacon's wireless mic failed just as soon as the chapel had filled up with more than a hundred people. Then the other mic screeched... twice (once during the vows!). Failure.

Dress Rehearsal for a Play: Lights cues and two Power Point images were required. Since it was a rehearsal, I was able to work out the kinks and it was fine.

Alum Reunion Plenary #1 (today): Power Point and two mics were needed. After that second wedding, I was petrified about everything working well in front of two hundred professors, students and alum. Thankfully with a lot of prayer, a restless night and a two hour window to set-up, everything went well!!!!

Woot! I told my friend Summer that after this plenary, I would no longer have any stress in my life. She laughed and said, "That is until you have to choose flowers [for the wedding]!"

I'm going to sleep well tonight!

Such a good mood

Best thought of the day: "I can do this!" while creating my to do list. :-)

Wedding plans are going well. Slow but well. Eric and I are somehow immensely busy. Big surprise, right?

Respite: We went apple picking last Saturday. I'll post photos when I get a chance to get them off Eric's computer. It was Eric's first time and we had a lot of fun despite the cold temps and drizzling rain. Unfortunately, he insisted we take an Adam and Eve photo...

Off to start teaching my third and last seven-week after-school course. This week starts my "everything's on my plate now" week. Thankfully, it was preceded by Reading Week so I think it's all going to be okay. I've gotten my flu shot, I'm avoiding all sneezers (is that not Christian?...) and I'm ready to face the next month and a half before Thanksgiving. Eric was able to rearrange his work schedule so we can go to my family reunion and I'm stoked!

Time to start a paper that's due tomorrow...!

Beautiful

Wow, this Reading Week couldn't be better. I've felt my blood pressure slow, my tense muscles relax and my mind calm. I even slept in until 10:30am this morning which hasn't happened in a long while. This week, I'm leading the youth message on Friday night, so Eric has his evenings free and we've been able to enjoy each other's attention which has definitely helped make this week pretty great. Tomorrow I go back into the city, but I'll try to maintain this level of calm. I wonder if that'll be possible?

Baby Thesbians

Here's something fun non-stress related: Tomorrow, I'm planning to teach 19 K-1st graders how to bow and be good audience members. :-)

Theraputic

It's Reading Week, a beautiful respite for seminarians in the middle of the semester. While I've been able to get some errands done, I seemingly am not getting more done than usual. Not sure how that's possible. On Thursday, I'll start teaching drama classes after school. Then I'll officially have started everything for the fall:

- full-time grad student
- after-school drama (2 classes) and aviation/rocketry (1 class) teacher
- occasionally working as a chapel steward
- helping lead a youth group
- taking 3 exercise classes
- singing with 2 choirs
- planning a wedding

Oh, yeah, and I might become the Christian Ed. director at a Chinese church where I am being very successfully bribed by their weekly post-worship Chinese lunch.

I'm not complaining. It's just theraputic to write it all out, take a deep breath and realize yes, we can.

Eric and I are planning to pick apples on Saturday. :-) Chance of snow showers after midnight!

I Want to Stop Running

Thanks Amie and Erik for your reminders to chill out and relax a bit. Here's a prayer that Erik shared with me that I greatly appreciate:

I Want To Stop Running
From "A Book of Uncommon Prayer" by Kenneth G. Phifer
Eternal God, you are a song amid silence,
A voice out of quietness,
A light out of darkness,
A Presence in the emptiness,
A coming out of the void.

You are all of these things and more.
You are mystery that encompasses meaning,
Meaning that penetrates mystery.

You are God,
I am a man.
I strut and brag.
I put down my fellows
And bluster out assertions of my achievements.
And then something happens:
I wonder who I am,
And if I matter.

Night falls,
I am alone in the dark and afraid.
Someone dies,
I feel so powerless.
A child is born,
I am touched by the miracle of a new life.
At such moments I pause...
To listen for a song amid silence,
A voice out of stillness,
To look for a light out of darkness.
I want to feel a Presence in the emptiness.
I find myself reaching for a hand.

Oftentimes, the feeling passes quickly,
And I am on the run again:
Success to achieve,
Money to make.
O Lord, you have to catch me on the run
Most of the time.
I am too busy to stop,
Too important to pause for contemplation.

I hold up too big a section of the sky
To sit down and meditate.
But even on the run,
An occasional flicker of doubt assails me,
And I suspect that I may not be as important
To the world
As I think I am.

Jesus said each of us is important to you.
It is as if every hair of our heads were numbered.
How can that be?
But in the hope that it is so,
I would stop running,
Stop shouting,
And be myself.

Let me be still now.
Let me be calm.
Let me rest upon the faith that you are, God,
And I need not be afraid. Amen.

Not enough time in the day

This is close to utterly ridiculous. Today I need to work 4 hours at the Methodist Archives (sometime between it's open hours of 9-5pm), attend chapel and choir rehearsal (11-1pm), prepare and teach a rocketry and aviation class for an elementary after-school program (2-4:30), read half a book and write a paper before my class from 7-9:30pm. Meals might be nice too, but probably won't work until after 9:30pm. Looking forward to a full-time job rather than juggling this much.

Face Mask

Smelly, dirty, germy, gross, loud, dangerous.

I'm not talking about dirty diapers-- I'm just offering my perspective of NYC.

I can't imagine living there and I definitely can't imagine raising children there. All day I was aching for a hot shower and disinfectant. I've started wondering where I'll be able to get a face mask when swine flu hits us in epidemic proportions this winter... My body's exhausted after last night's dance class and after carrying around a laptop all day in a bookbag as I hiked the city blocks trying to save money. But I'm thankful that I'm done with official responsibilities for a couple days.

I'm also thankful for a fiance who's learning how to cook some really great meals. :-) He's a keeper! (I know you're thinking, "Well, duh!")

Deep Breaths

Admittedly, I'm slightly overwhelmed. I'm a full-time student. Since Eric and I are saving up for the wedding, I've taken every job that comes my way and I'm working part-time at the Church Center for the UN, as a youth group leader, teaching after school classes and as a chapel steward on campus. At some point, I also thought it was a great idea to take three fitness classes a week. And I'm a fiancee planning a wedding and wanting to love on Eric (not like that... well, yes, like that, but not yet!). Where have I dropped the ball? Reading for one of my classes and I haven't gotten back to the potential photographers yet. I also need to clean the kitchen table top and put away some clothes. That's not too bad, right?

My mom's coming this weekend and I'm stoked! We're going to look at dresses, meet up with Eric's mom, see the church and reception hall and just enjoy quality time. Oh, baby. Why am I writing a blog post and not getting my schoolwork done for next week?!?

On a side note, I think four of my friends are pregnant and three friends had their babies within the past year. Congratulations to Miss Erinne (even though I don't think she reads this and I'm sure she wouldn't have time now even if she did)!

Wedding Website

We've got a wedding website! Feel free to check out: http://www.mywedding.com/ericandheathervalosin/index.html
We really need some song suggestions for the reception. :-)

Will you marry me?

A month ago today, Eric proposed to me! I arrived back on the east coast after eight weeks apart on August 8th. Twelve hours after my plane touchdowned, Eric and I were leading worship at a UMC in Plainfield, NJ. We spent the next day at the beach on the Jersey shore and in the evening, I found the first of many clues leading to our engagement. Following a scavenger hunt from North Brunswick, NJ to Hopwood, PA, Eric led me up the mountainside at the camp I've worked at for years in a thunderstorm that arrived just as we did. Standing in the rain with a beach umbrella over our heads looking towards the Great Cross that overlooks four states, Eric admitted that he thought our dinner was under the cross. Thankfully, I had noticed a candlelit dinner at the HOPE Camp pavillion on our walk up (I didn't want to point it out and sound like, "Wow, Eric, look. Someone's having a romantic dinner...") As we trekked back down the flooded path, Eric pointed out white plastic daisies that were along the way and I collected them wondering what it the world our next week of vacation held it store. We enjoyed a picnic dinner, very similar to that of our first date, as the rain died down and by the time we had finished, Eric suggested that we go back up the the cross. We did and as we looked out over the valley, Eric pulled an envelope out of his bag. He said, "I found this over the summer and thought we could open it." He was holding what I thought was the card I had hidden under his seat that was stashed for when he went up to talk to my parents. After my mom told him to check his car for a note, he would find money to go to the batting cages in Weirs Beach, NH... Here we are in western PA about to read what I think is my recommendation to go to the batting cages in NH! But no, he had forged the envelope!! Instead inside was a letter to me that ended, "After dating you for fifteen months and talking with your dad, I don't think you should call me boyfriend anymore..." (What?!?!! Did Dad scare him off? Is he breaking up with me?! ) "You should call me fiance." Whew! Eric was done on one knee holding the ring box and asked me to marry him. I think my response was, "Of course!" :-) Then my best friend, Tricia, came out of the woods with her fiance, both welding cameras and congratulations. AMAZING!

It's been a crazy ride since then-- two days to ourselves, then traveling to see family members along the east coast for a week, then Eric left for a mission trip while I had doctors' appointments, then moving us into respective new homes and starting school and part-time jobs. We're both still settling in and trying to work into a routine. Eventually I'll get a sweet photo up here for you.

Peace

Yay! I'm finally back home with Eric!

Sorry, Amie, my blog will probably resume it's boring monotony now that I'm back on the east coast. However, I'm happy. :-)

So Soon! (3 days, 10 hours to touchdown!)

I want to go home. On Saturday night, I will be hugging Eric after a long two months apart. Time until then can't go fast enough for me.

This summer hasn't been terrible at all. I've learned a lot and have met wonderful people. Hopefully I've been encouraging to them too. Besides wanting to be back with Eric, little things make me exceptionally thankful that this is a temporary situation-- no/little access to a car in a rural setting, a co-worker who thinks it's acceptable to demean me by mockingly noting my age as often as possible, overpriced Oreos and a lack of theatre, singing and kids. :-(

On the positive side, I've made friends, mocassins and a dream-catcher. I've seen buffalo, antelope, praire dogs, horses and wild donkeys. I've managed to avoid the first three tornados on the Rosebud Reservation in the past six years. I've participated in sweat ceremonies and observed a Sun dance. I've read a lot and listened to a lot of people describe their dreams and hopes. I've created by my first promotional video. And I've learned a lot about various forms of Christian service.

Thank goodness I have a few weeks before classes start because I've been studying and writing papers all summer long. A break, especially with Eric and my family, will be amazing!

One more week here

Steve taught me how to make dream catchers!

A bi-lingual English-Lakota grocery store:

Yesterday's community meal hosted by YouthWorks:

Wildlife

Dreams of Home

This is how badly I want to go home to Eric: I'm purposely trying to sleep between 8-9 hrs. a night because it's the fastest way to pass the time... :-(

2/3rds done!

I know I need to post when my mom who only checks this occasionally notices that I haven't posted in a while...

According to Eric's calculations, as of today, I am 2/3rds done with this adventure. I want to be careful with how I express my experiences so they don't perpetuate stereotypes or fail to express the respect for a different culture.

I can say that I'm looking forward to returning to the east coast to be with Eric, to calm my nomadic lifestyle a bit (to be able to stock the shelves with groceries and to be able to ride a bike regularly will be great!) and relax in a comfortable setting.

Tomorrow, I am going to be a driver for an Australian woman who wants to do research for a screenplay in the Black Hills and the Badlands. I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and the fresh forest air at Mt. Rushmore.

God's Creation & My Creation

:)

I started making mocassins today!!

No Words

Nervous Smile

This is a huge deal. My "crazy professor" pulled past this security booth on to Leonard Crow Dog's property essentially asking people to "take me to your leader" and he, his college-aged daughter and I ended up meeting Chief Leonard Crow Dog, a highly respected Lakota medicine man who was a leader in the American Indian Movement (AIM) when they took over the Bureau of Indian Affairs governmental building in D.C. and who apparently is still being watched by the FBI for being a radical Native. We shook hands with him and listened to him calmly chew out Whites for their annihilation of Native Americans and their culture. Somehow the one-sided conversation turned and he introduced us to one of his eighteen children and invited us to explore the ceremonial grounds including touching and praying at the Sun Dance tree.

I also attended my first sweat ceremony on Saturday with my professor and his daughter. Very cool experience and I'm looking forward to the next one.

Take away from Professor Christensen about living in a place where a different religion is practiced: "Your ability to spiritually discern is important because it will help you protect yourself [from the possibility evil spirits, etc.]" Good reminder as I try to avoid being like traditional missionaries who end up converting people to European lifestyles.

Sunset in South Dakota

Friday on the Res

Day 11 on the Res:

Today, a truck from Minneapolis dropped off 1200 pounds of frozen food and Tree of Life distributed it to a crowd. I hope all those people can figure out how to thaw restaurant sized queso, tortilla dough balls, etc. Those were happy people to be getting a lot of food.

Today was also the first time I've ever hung my clothes out to dry. The dryer hadn't been fixed so I set up the line and hung everything with humility (my heppy-jeppies all up there on the line!) while mission team volunteers worked around the trailer to winterize it for Tree of Life. Apparently Sam, one of the native construction workers, chased down one of my white towels when it blew off the line. While in my imagination it would have been a funny scene to watch, I do appreciate his help. Sure enough, before all my clothes were dry, a volunteer had fixed the dryer. I actually like line drying them except for those obnoxious little white balls from the new towels that are now on everything. I'll just pretend I don't see them next week!

Storms in the Night

Day 8 on the Reservation:

Yesterday, Weatherbug said that all week was going to be beautiful. So imagine my surprise/terror last night at 5:15am when I woke up in a trailer propped up by cinder blocks to a wind and lightning storm. We don't have a tv, radio or the Internet over at the trailer so there was no way for me to see if there was a tornado. I wandered around the trailer for about twenty minutes before returning to my bed against an inside wall, trying to get my head as close as possible to the center of the trailer. By 7:30am, it was still drizzling and I walked down the street to the Tree of Life Ministry as lightning crossed the sky on three sides of the horizon and fresh blue skies brightened behind the trailer in the distance. The rest of the day has been beautiful but now Weatherbug says we'll have rain until Thursday. Whatever.

For Eric

At some point this summer, Eric might think to check my blog and see what's going on, so Eric, if you do, this is for you. Everyone else, sorry.

----------

Dear Eric,

Since this is kind of a public love blog note, I'll try to refrain from getting too personal or mushy. In order for that to work, insert telepathic *** messages where implied by the asterisks. ;-)

I love you so much. Since we're currently 1,597 miles apart, I wish teleportation had been invented so we could ***. I think of you many times a day and wish that we could *** and ***. I can't wait until August 15th when we get to see each other again and can finally *** and harmonize together with the radio. May this truly be the last time we're apart for this long.

Yours,
Heather

*If you're not Eric and you think my love note is completely inappropriate, then you need to read the message again and insert more appropriate implied thoughts!

No food

"I don't know what to feed [my new stray puppy] because we don't even have food."

- Pedro, approx. 10 years old, Rosebud Reservation, 6/19/09

Lists of Dones

Since I arrived here on Monday night, I have
- moved into a mobile home
- visited a site for public Sun Dances
- saw an elk (rare occurance-- the Native American man we were traveling with had never seen one before!)
- attended a Chamber of Commerce meeting for Mission, SD
- met a Christian Lakota medicine man and a traditional art artisan who's willing to teach me anything I can think of related to hides, beads and quills
- noticed that Oreos at grocery store cost $5.14 (!)
- drank a gallon of milk
- put together 2 bed frames and a closet

I am currently going through withdrawl because my roommate has been preparing our morning coffee with 1/2 decaf beans (!!!). I'm trying to make up for it with caffinated green tea...

From Rosebud

And now I'm on the Rosebud Reservation, SD.

Exhausted after traveling 15 hours yesterday and then setting up house in a mobile home.

But good.

By the way, I forgot to write that Eric and I had a fantastic week-long vacation in DC and NC before I left. I'm so glad I was able to spend time with him.

Another adventure

After traveling via car about 2,500 miles since May 31st and visiting an endless list of great friends, I've now got 24 hours before my plane takes off for Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Prepare yourself for some stories from a couple reservations...

Good for my soul

I'm presently sitting in a quiet apartment in Washington, PA waiting to visit Tricia at her school and observe her afternoon classes. (Yes, I should be writing a paper instead of this post, but c'est la vie!)

Thankfully, the high school lock-in went well, I was able to successfully move out of my apartment, enjoy fellowship with a few amazing seminary ladies and get safely to western PA this past weekend. And now I am so happy to be able to relax here. Eric, Arnold, Leslie and the rest of the Drew team are safely back from the safari in northern Uganda and will start flying home about 2am tonight. It's been a long two weeks since they left. My mind has been cluttered with wishes to be with them, hopes for their safety and a long to do list here in the states. I'm looking forward to seeing Eric soon and hearing stories about some of the people who are on my heart.

Before that happens, however, I'm going to enjoy a great day with Tricia and Shannon and then make a totally-out-of-the-way pit stop at Jumonville on my way to NJ. :-) And this coming weekend will be amazing when Eric and I get to travel to DC and NC to see a whole bunch of great friends. All of this fellowship is so good for my soul, especially before I take off for the flatlands of South Dakota for ten weeks.

Busy week ahead

I missed a phone call from Uganda yesterday afternoon. :-( But I've got the jittery first-day-of-school feeling about not wanting to miss a call today. And I'm over the halfway mark to seeing Eric again!

Before I see him again, I'll drive back to NJ, host a high school retreat night, finish packing up my apartment (!) and move out, drive to PA for a few days, write a paper and get back to NJ. Oi, vay, I'm tired just thinking about it! Good news: after that, we're on vacation for a week in NC!! Can't wait to see you, Amie!

Unbelievable

Eric's best friend, Arnold, emailed me this morning to say that he and Eric have decided to go camping on the safari?!?! As I envision wild lions and elephants waiting outside their tent, it's probably a good thing Eric isn't telling me what's going on!

Play, what's that?

Eric's in Uganda and I'm not. I miss Uganda. I miss him.

But I did get to observe Eric's packing strategies and try to emulate them. I started packing my room up this morning-- nine days before I need to be out of my apartment! This is quite a novelty since I usually don't start until the night before I need to be out. It just seemed like Eric had a good method since he wasn't stressed out throughout the process by starting early. Everything big besides boxes of clothes are out of my room and I have a flexible plan for everything else-- take dirty clothes home to wash along with valuables and plants (not to wash), pack up what I need for the summer and then everything else gets stored away. I do need to sort through piles of paper, but that doesn't take that long.

I'm also trying to spend my lonely time exercising, reading, watching dvds, catching up with friends and enjoying the beautiful weather here in NJ. The shade on a sunny 70 degree day is perfect for me.

Take Away: Pastor Shawn at Summit UMC and I discussed my disappointment, God's sovereignty in relation to human free will and our purpose in life. She encouraged me to seek joy and peace in God, to be able to play in God's presence and to enjoy life. Since I'm usually Martha, the worker bee, I appreciate her advice and I'm working on it. Oh, gosh, how to break that mindset?

It's Getting Better

Eric graduated today! After an early morning communion service (with a wink, nod, Heather sing the solo suprise), we sat through a three hour cloudy commencement before enjoying a late Mexican lunch with Eric's dad and his fiance. Although we were practically falling asleep with our eyes open at the table, we managed to finish moving Eric out of his room and run some errands. This evening, we actually enjoyed a quiet dinner of steamed artichokes without the pressure to rush off to 1,001 classes, meetings, rehearsals, concerts, art shows, plays, dances and parties. We were definitely blessed by an empty apartment, little traffic outside our open windows and the unusual lack of church bell rings from the Catholic church across the street.

It's been a strange weekend, celebrating senior week activities with Eric while trying to figure how to successfully fill a non-refundable seat on a plane to Uganda this coming Monday to join Eric's mission team. Surprisingly, I had a ton of wide open doors from my parents, the church, friends, etc. until I found out an hour before I got my Hep A booster that the ticket had actually already been refunded. :-(

There were some tears and disappointed prayers, but Eric started to lift my spirits when I overheard him say that it was love at first site (four years ago even though we've only been dating for a year!). Then Mark Miller, my favorite pianist, director and composer, asked me to ad lib for the mixed-choir piece in front of four hundred people at Baccualaurate. This has been a dream of mine, just to ad lib, and I've never done it in front of an audience before. TOO much fun!! And I got to do it again this morning at the communion service!

So it's been a bumpy ride this week with too little sleep and too much emotion, however, all is well. Eric'll leave for Uganda in two days, and I'll find ways to entertain myself while I leisurely pack and try not to visualize the orphans that I wish were in my arms.

North Carolina friends-- I'm trying to figure out if Eric and I can come visit Wake Forest/Youngsville in early June... will you be around???

Are we global?

What a strange world we live in.

This afternoon, I sat in a classical choir concert and read Joseph Marshall III's "the Dance House" about the Lakota Sioux Native Americans. Then I carried my book over to the Nine Thai resturant and drank Thai tea. I returned to my apartment where Nelson Mandela's "Long Walk to Freedom" sits next to John Shelby Spong's "Here I Stand" on my bookshelf. Next to my small collection of dvds sits a wooden giraffe from Uganda and a black and blue purse from Peru.

Yes, I would agree that our media and product distribution is global. But is our servant faith-in-action global?

So busy!

Life is a little crazy here. I'm actually done with classes for the semester, but Eric and I have lots of end of the year events.

Last Thursday- PanAf Concert
Yesterday- Eric's Senior Art Show Opening (amazingly fun!)
Tonight- DUDS Ball
Tomorrow- 7 hours of church youth stuff?
Monday- TOE Jam (open house at the coffeehouse) & End of Classes Jam Concert
Tuesday- Eric hands in 2 10 page papers and mails in VISA info to go to Uganda in 2 weeks
Wednesday- my UN internship interview in NYC (trying to avoid the swine)

That's as far as I can look. Most importantly, tomorrow marks the beautiful day that Eric asked me out a year ago. :-) And we don't have time to celebrate! :-(

There's a band in my living room

Eric and his friend from home, Mike, have a laid-back band called "When Life Hands You Lemmings" and they have their first gig tonight at the coffeehouse where I work. Mike visited a few weeks ago and he and Eric spent most their time together learning songs with Mike singing and playing acoustic while Eric played electric guitar. While I was slightly stressed trying to prep for a dance that night, Mike and Eric surprised me by taking over the dinner preparations and forcing me to take a brief nap. It was so much appreciated. Of course, I was happy to see Mike again last night when we picked him up from the train. They practiced for hours last night and only stopped for the night at 1 am when they had compiled a list of 23 songs they could use at tonight's performance. This morning, after a few moments sharing a breakfast of deviled Easter eggs (that sounds strange, doesn't it?), they grabbed their guitars again and they are continuing to learn more songs. I am so impressed with both of their musical abilities and their jive of working together. I'm also impressed that their fingers aren't bleeding!

Hoping to become wise

Recently, I've been in an uber-critical mood. I've been mentally poking holes through people's comments and noting unfairnesses. Two problems though: it causes a bit of anxiety when I keep these thoughts from reaching those who they are intended for. Granted, at least I have time to think out arguments, but I don't like this feeling of awareness. It's like going to Uganda-- to see the effects of poverty up close and in my arms, the growing awareness feels uncomfortable, like swallowing a pine branch. Yet, at the same time, you know it's important. But there's something else. There's the challenge to do something about it.

So at the moment, I need to discern between what's more important for me to do something about-- I can probably ignore the downstairs resident who thinks my Chinese roommate's attempts to feed the wildlife on the fire escape is resulting in fruit flies in their kitchen (but not in ours...). There are other things that I should communicate about. I really hope all these experiences help me become the wise person I hope I grow into, one who knows how to respond in the moment rather than dwelling upon it for 24 hours and realizing what I should have said as I lay in bed waiting for sleep.

Sing it, baby

I'm cleaning my bedroom and I just found the song that Eric and I started writing when I was sick. Here's as far as we got:

I'm jump, jumpin' for Jesus in my soul
My feet aren't moving 'cause I might fall.
Good days, bad, they hit us all
Joy, pain, love, hurt, it's survivable.

Yay, worship!

Tonight's the first time I'll be leading youth as they lead a worship service. We've been prepping for it for about three weeks. The teens have noted that the goal of worship is "to demonstrate our love and appreciation to God" and "to build a connection with God." They've brainstormed what's structurally in a worship service, written a prayer and benediction, chosen the songs and prepared their testimonies to share as a witness to how God is transforming their lives. I did get frustrated on Monday, spending 2 hours trying to creatively make a bulletin, but otherwise, I am psyched about this time devoted to worship tonight. Even better, I've got this calm feeling-- no anxiety or fear like I often get with performances, public speaking, etc. Of course, the kids are a buffer since few people will complain about what their kids do, but I think it's going to be a great time to recognize how God is working in our lives.

Eric's first ever blog entry

As dictated by Eric for his first ever blog entry. Don't judge.

You're not allowed to do this. I told you, I don't speak the way I write. This is going to come off horribly. Heather, hundreds of people on the Internet are going to think I'm an idiot. What if I stop talking, then you'll have nothing to write. (Silence.) I feel like this is a very one sided game. (He's laughing though... Inappropriate (but not really) comment that I'm not allowed to write... Wrestling to make sure that I don't write it. More laughter.)

What else would you like to tell the hundreds of people who don't read my blog?

That they are clearly missing out.

(More safe silence.)

What? You think I'm going to start talking again? (Careful thought) I should start telling all your deep dark secrets. One time... Alright, so I've got nothing. (Silence. I don't like this game anymore.)

Baseball, sore throats, gym, pencils

So we didn't go to Ocean Grove. With more thought, we realized that a day trip to the beach on a 30 degree day might not be the most enjoyable experience. Instead, we were both happy to visit the ball cages. Eric used to go there to hit balls as stress relief and I've found that I get pretty excited trying to hit baseballs at a timed pace. Then we stopped to look around at Barnes and Noble which is a calming ritual of my own. It was a great Saturday.

Since then, my throat has healed and Eric's has gotten worse. If you're fed up with hearing health reports, imagine how much we're sick of it. In the past three months, there have only been two days that the both of us have felt good. Yes, we are trying not to get too close with each other, but it hasn't been working-- I think the nasty germs keep jumping between us.

I've gained 2.5 pounds and become a queen of the gym. I'm tracking my food intake and work-outs. Sure it takes time, but at this point with only 3 academic classes, I'm able to focus on improving my health. Gotta take the opportunity when I can.

I'll try to brainstorm more interesting topics for another post. Oh, here's one:

My youth group kids have collected a whopping 2192 pencils and pens for the 602 students at the primary school I visited in Uganda last summer. We'll be mailing them on Friday!!

My Favorite

This past week was our spring break and Eric and I took off for NH to enjoy Mom's retirement house loaded with a billard's table and a Wii. We briefly went snowshoeing as snow gracefully fell, got all fixed up by Super Chiropractic Dad and enjoyed meals and icecream with my parents and Grandma as well as the games at Mom's house. One of the best moments was me falling asleep on the floor in a pile of blankets in front of the large screen tv playing August Rush as Eric worked on a painting a few feet away-- it was very bohemian.

On Thursday, we drove back to NJ so I could work at the church in the afternoon. Yesterday, we went to the art studio so Eric could continue working on his painting and then hit the gym before getting Chinese for dinner. At one point, Eric asked what I could do that night if anything were possible. I replied, "I wish I could appear at Tricia's apartment, watch a movie with her, talk girl talk and do our nails. What would you do?" "Drive you to Tricia's tonight," was Eric's response. Since that wasn't really feasible, he suggested instead, "How about tonight be a Pamper Heather Night-- we can get any movie you want, do your nails, we can talk and you can call Tricia." And we did. I enjoyed a bath, we ate Oreo's with chocolate milk and I didn't feel guilty falling asleep before the movie was over. Eric even liked the movie I picked out which wasn't as much of a chick-flick as was expected.

Today, we're headed to Ocean Grove, a UMC retreat center in NJ that I've never been to. If there were anyway I could find baseball cages along the way, it might give me the opportunity to express my appreciation to Eric.

"Healthy" Relationship?

My sore throat's just about gone after a week of Tylenol and Day/NyQuil!

Bad news: Eric's throat is now sore.

For the record, he first gave it to me, then we were both good for two days and then I got it again. So now it's my turn to share, right? Just kidding, I had been trying hard not to give him the cold but you can bet I'm going to try even harder not to get it back since I've only been healthy for two days since January. Obviously our strategies for a "healthy" relationship haven't been working.

Pretty Much Over

Eric and I have been slowly processing our experiences in January and February. While being very glad that it's pretty much over, I think we're starting to realize how bad it was. I've heard a couple people mention colonoscopies with lowered voices as if they're really terrible-- I had one and was only upset that I awoke and wasn't singing with the celestial choir. I had been in isolation because my roommate the first two nights had influenza-- and, praise God, Mom, Dad, Eric, my other visitors and I didn't catch it. I've barely gained any weight back which is probably related to me getting a sore throat and not eating a lot (I lost a pound in the past week, but the doctor said not to be obsessive about it). When I think about how proud I was to lift my arm to take papers from a professor, to stand at the sink to water my poinsetta, to walk up the stairs without stopping to rest, to be able to change my clothes and wear jeans rather than pj pants, to sleep through the night... Thank You, God, for carrying us through all of those challenges and please have mercy on those in pain today. Bless the doctors, nurses, attendants, care takers and loved ones who are striving to care for others. Thank You, God.

Saving the World, or Not

Four hours with nothing to do. Of course, I need to print off some homework and should clean my room and wash dishes, but I had the fleeting thought this morning, "You've got time! How can you save the world this morning?" Seriously, I was ready to live my life for others while remembering that I'm not actually the one who can save. But then I realized, "Girl, you've still got a sore throat and ear ache and you really need to use this time to relax and heal." Some people teach that Christians should always put themselves last but Drew's recognized the terrible general health of clergy and is trying to teach us that we'll be ineffective if we're down and out. It's true-- how many more people did I need to care for me when I got sick in January compared to the number of people I helped? If I had been healthy, then I could have helped a lot more people. Thus, I'm going to use these next four hours for personal well-being. I'll do the dishes and maybe clean, but I'll also pamper my throat and appreciate this opportunity to avoid talking.
* Disclaimer: This isn't an argument for laziness or selfishness but rather a recognition that we are to "Love others as much as we love ourselves." We can't love others if we don't love ourselves.

Almost Perfect

What an almost perfect morning: Snow is falling on NJ, somehow the early spring birds are still chirping, Eric's sound asleep in the extra bed, I'm cuddled in my favorite green recliner with a cup of hot lemon-water and honey and the Tylenol's finally kicked in so I can ignore my sore throat and ear-ache for a few hours.

Spring break is next week and Eric and I are going to head up to NH to have Dad fix my throat and to relax at Mom's retirement house complete with a Wii, billards table and movies galore. I'm hoping there's snow so I can take Eric snow shoe-ing which is one of his dreams. Hopefully a few days in an empty house in the middle of nowhere will help me heal and Eric de-stress.

I've gained two pounds in the past month. A woman laughed at Eric and I giving each other high-fives as I stood on the scale in the gym. We've been to the gym more times in the past few weeks than the total number of times I went as an undergrad. It's great to have Eric point out muscles that have developed since I was skin and bones in the hospital. It's also great to be able to eat whatever I want to (when my throat doesn't hurt). Believe it or not, I actually haven't gotten back on coffee. I've probably only had four cups in the past few weeks. What's wrong with me? ;-)

Malawi

Here's some more excitment unrelated to health:

Today I had an interview for an internship with Communities of Shalom which would put me in a place to organize a community for systemic change regarding the needs of the community. The two placement sites we discussed were an orphanage start in Malawi and a youth program in North Dakota on a Native American reservation. The orphanage start would be helping a UMC organize their present feeding program that aids 80 orphans daily into a long-term plan to provide for the orphans' needs holistically. How much do I want to do that internship! Eric has his interview later in the week and I'm hoping we can go together. May God's will be done...

Following the Crowd :-(

Today in Intro. to Educational Ministries, a usually great course that challenges the traditional expectations of classroom environment and interactions, a ironically disturbing thing occured.

Topic: Racism
First we reviewed vague statistics about racism and then we watched an hour long video about how racism has been politically and socially constructed (who knew that in the early 1900s only white people could gain citizenship and courts were the ones who decided who was white and non-white). Next we discussed as a class what in the film surprised us.

Good class, right?

Lastly, with 20 minutes left, the professor asked us to get into homogeneous groups to discuss a few related questions.

Does that not make you cringe? We just learned that race is not by skin color but is subjectively constructed and then we're asked to get into groups according to race. Trust me, I made a huff about leaving my black friends to join the circle of white women.

It's not a secret that I struggle with not relating to my skin color. I trace it back to being raised in an inner city black church when my mom was the pastor for a few years. I'm not the only one to have that experience affect me-- my brother's childhood role model was one of the men in the church and my sister was seven when she realized she wasn't black. Apparently, I am still struggling with that idea.

I should have followed Eyesha's advice and stayed where I was.

Best Sport

So the plan was that Eric would surprise me on Friday night and I would surprise him on Saturday night for Valentine's Day. His plan went off without a hitch and was great fun. Unfortunately, my plans A and B both fell through for various reasons and with a newly developed cold, I ended up taking a four hour nap on Vday, made it to Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner, gave Eric some chocolate and was asleep before 11pm... Today, we made it to church during which I struggled to surpress my great desire to curl up on the pew with my head in his lap in order to sleep. Afterwards, we went straight home so I could again sleep the afternoon away. Now I'm trying desperately to stay awake until Eric gets home from an evening of rehearsals in about twenty minutes. His only request is to see my eyes, so I'm doing my best. This girl's going to be asleep before long...

Oh, baby!

Today I carried my laptop to class for the first and second times, drank my first caffeinated Coke and sipped my first little bit of coffee. Yes, the day has finally arrived when I was allowed to drink caffeine. Woo-hoo!!

As for some non-self-centered-recovery information, here's a thought from my evangelism course with Len Sweet:

What does holiness mean? It doesn't mean set apart from the world. Look at Jesus' example-- Jesus remained undefiled as he went to, touched and had relationships with tax collectors, adulterers, loose women, criminals, lepers, the demon-possessed, pagans, the sick, etc. How could following Jesus' example change our lives?

A day of firsts

Today was the first time since the beginning of January that I
- drove by myself (around the block to Drew)
- walked to class
- walked up the stairs in the seminary (slowly but surely, don't look anyone in the eye as I huff)
- sang a solo in PanAf (even though my jaw's still locked)
- ate HOT AND SOUR SOUP!!!

Oh, baby!! The only other thing on my to do list (besides gain the energy to stand for more than ten minutes and walk more than 200 yards) is to get healthy enough to finally be able to drink caffeine again. Yes, I have also noticed a pattern in this blog-- that I might be obsessed with caffeinated beverages... C'est la vie.

One last happy thought, I've decided to pick up a pair of jeans that will fit better so I no longer detest getting dressed in my droopy, sloopy, oversized jeans that were new in December... Looking forward to that a lot.

And here's a closing with a shout-out to both Rhonda and Josh who I don't keep in contact nearly as much as I would hope to. Josh, I've noted your blog and Rhonda if you have one, please let me know! Miss you both.

Pepsi, Coffee and Chocolate

Every day gets better. I have a couple more tests to do for the doctor, but I'm on the mend. Eric and I walked to campus this morning even though I had to stop halfway for a long break to catch my breath. Then we got breakfast and tried to play pool but I had to stop after half a game because I was too tired. I've been getting really uncomfortable stomach cramps as if I had an intense ab workout yesterday. Granted, I managed to sit up in public spaces for about 7 hours so it really was a workout. Trying to balance exercise and rest. Good news: I have now microwaved four meals for myself and driven a few blocks after about four weeks of avoiding the wheel. My car still works despite freezing temps and little usage. The doctor also said that I need to watch my weight and make sure that I consistently gain weight for a while. :-) Gotta love that order, right? And I'm allowed to slowly start introducting fiber and lactose. I just wish that everything were immediately back to normal because Eric won't let me have caffeine until it is...

Love in action

Nine months ago Eric asked me out. :-) A month ago, we celebrated Christmas together with a mini-tree, new stockings, shrimp dip, wine and shared traditions. We had no idea that in the next four weeks, he would move in to care for me 24/7, learn how to cook, force-feed me according to various specific diets that I detested, do my laundry, handwash dishes and keep me on a med schedule that again I detested, and all without the normal benefits of a relationship. Talk about seeing me at my worst, he's seen me without make-up, in a diaper, without a shower for a week, pale and unable to walk without assistance. May God bless him, he's looking forward to me regaining weight. And through it all, he's continued to be modest and not taken advantage of baggy hospital gowns, etc. I have so much respect and love for Eric. I don't think I would have survived without him. That's not even an overstatement.

While I'm still mostly bedridden, we can't do much today, but we're going to celebrate with his amazing bacon for breakfast. I can hear it sizzling right now. And at lunch time, I take my last dose of antibiotics. Praise God! Planning to make it to class and I have a couch staked out if I can't sit up for the whole class. This is a critical day, not just in our relationship, but may the symptoms please stop as I quit the antibiotics.

Desires

So Eric and I realized today that when I say I lost 20 pounds, that was pre-hospital, no-food-by-mouth for 24+ hours, etc. Thankfully, we agree that the goal is to gain strength, not weight. So we're measuring success by what I can physically accomplish rather than trying to regain my pre-sick weight. Two days ago, I took my first shower in more than a week. Yesterday, I took a shower, walked down the apartment hallway and stood at the sink for about 8 minutes to make instant mashed potatoes. And boy did I sleep hard. I could feel myself becoming one with the mattress and Eric said he had to make sure I was breathing I was out so cold. I wish I could say I'm enjoying eating whenever and whatever I want, but really I'm on a low-fiber, non-lactose diet and Eric refuses to buy me my most desired Chinese hot and sour soup and mac-and-cheese. I haven't even mentioned Starbucks...

Hard part at the moment, trying to safely build strength in order to make it to class next Tuesday and Wednesday from 1:15-3:45pm and desperately wanting Tuesday to come quickly when I'll run out of antibiotics. I want so badly to be healthy again.

Home

I'm home from a week in the hospital. Acute self-limiting colitis. Not clear what the cause was. Hemoglobin count is pretty low but I didn't need a transfusion. Lost 20 pds. Very weak. Strained a muscle trying to pick up the laptop. Thanking God for amazing parents, boyfriend and boyfriend's parents.

Not funny

No coffee in eight days.
No much-anticipated shrimp dip.
No favorite salsa.
No hot and sour soup.
No joke, there's plate of chocolate frosted brownies (one of my favorites) and strawberries in front of me. Someone must have thought it was a good idea to tempt Heather by putting these untouchables at my place in the classroom. We're not talking about a brownie or two. I can count at least five when I lower my laptop cover blockade.

Health Services said they would finally test me. But the results won't be back until Monday. (that would leave me five more days of cramping, and more undisclosed details). Thankfully, they said I could take an antibiotic for saminilla (sp?) poisoning since I can only trace the problem to a certain hamburger.

I don't know what I'd do without Eric forcing me to eat. I just don't want to but it made him upset this afternoon that I had only eaten half of breakfast and hadn't made lunch. I hadn't even realized I was missing a meal. I was just proud that I drank the orange juice...

Self-control isn't easy

So I've been pretty sick since Wednesday night. Initial inquiries from parents and the internet suggested it should have taken 2 days to work itself out. As soon as I realized that it wasn't getting better in 2 days, I learned that the Health Services on campus was closed for the weekend (!?!?). Internally weighing the co-pay price at the hospital compared to that at Health Services on Monday, I decided to try to wait it out... Last night was the worst when I woke up with cramps every hour or two. The good news: I survived two full days of class including a field trip to Brooklyn last week; Eric's been an amazing help by going grocery shopping for "sick food" and making meals (he got a good laugh joining the other men at the grocery store who were obviously sent there by their wives); I managed to make it to church to teach Sunday School (I'm not contagious) and I've only got 15 hours before Health Services opens.

Weird part- I recognize that diagnosing one's self using the internet is not the best idea but we thought we could come up with some pretty good remedies. Unfortunately, one site says, "Eat bananas and carrots for potassium," while another says, "Avoid fresh fruits and vegetables." When I was told to eat toast, I ate a toasted everything bagel and then a whole wheat pita bread for two different meals. Later, I found a site that said eat white bread rather than grains...

Regardless, it's my fourth day without coffee, patiently waiting to get better while shrimp dip, salsa and Pepsi all sit at an arm's reach away in the fridge and I have to reluctantly eat chicken noodle soup, yogurt, bananas, Saltines and Gatorade. I'm not sure how long it'll be before my patience and self-control run out...

Happy Holidays!

Um... so I don't have any New Year's resolutions. While Amie's husband's idea to do a sit-up a day was a great idea last year, it fell through around January 21st, 2008...

So I'm skipping that tradition this year. Of course, I want to get healthier, learn more and drink more free trade coffee, but...

Oh, wait-- D has a good resolution regarding getting out of credit debt and saving a specific amount of money in an emergency account. That's a pretty good idea...