Optimism

At least God hasn't written to say that He's found someone better to love... I hope that someday, some man has patience and really won't let me go (not in a creepy bad way, but like the way Erik loves Lisa).

Other good news: Woke up to Abba Father, the theme song for HOPE camp, on the radio this morning.

Today's a Big Day!

Weddings #2 and #3 of the year out of seven that I'm missing because I'm across a big pond.

FELICITATIONS to Erinne & Brian and Kendra & Chris!

Erinne and I worked together this summer and hit it off like long lost sisters with the same heart for neglected kids. Although the male HOPE staff might have been a little afraid of Brian because he's like a five time black belt, Brian and I hit it off well too.

Kendra and I met last year in The Miracle Worker. She played Annie Sullivan and I was Kate Keller. When the boy playing my step-son dropped out, Kendra recruited Christ to fill in. So what if the step-son is a couple years older than his step-mom? At least he had a southern accent. One of the best moments of the rehearsal process, besides Chris secretly telling me about his plans to propose, was when I attempted the accent in rehearsal, unfortunately only successfully (?) on the last line of a serious scene:
CHRIS: Kate, at least will you be my friend?
ME: Aahh ahhhmmmm.
After a few rehearsals, we were finally able to stop cracking up on stage after that line, but even in performances, Chris' eyes would twinkle and I'd try desperately not to break character.

I miss you all and wish that I could support you in person. Praying for you...

In the Kitchen w/ HP

A story that my dad will enjoy the most:

Tonight was the students' gathering at the church for which we're each supposed to bring food to share for fellowship. For the past six days, I've been debating about what to bring that adequately represents my native melting pot country and is feasible without a baking tin and other various utensils. Finally I decided upon Caesar salad. Finding that the dressing cost almost 5 euros in a nearby Irish shop, I skipped on dressing and decided to replace it with more fresh tomatos, provolone cheese, cucumbers, blue cheese, onions, ham, salami and sardines. I found the last ingredients an hour before the get together, walked home and began cutting everything up. Happy with the look of the salad thus far, I cracked open the sardine container to find a few huge fish that were about 15xs as big as I expected, weren't salty and including scales and backbones (!). Admittedly, I made quite a stir in the kitchen exclaiming about the unexpected size and components of these fish but I did my best to dissect them and threw them into the salad. Arriving at church, I tried to explain to my mentor in broken French that the sardines were bigger than I expected and she smiled politely at me... the salad was good. A little fishy, but good. No one complained or even acted surprised...
---- two hours later----
Explaining what happened later to Olga, an English-Spanish girl, she said, "You put sardines in salad? In England, we use anchovies." Oh.

In other news, the Chinese feast last night was amazing. As soon as I was stuffed and thought we were done eating, someone else would come out of the kitchen and pass around another platter of more hot chicken, mutton, beef or vegetables. Topped with French wine, it was definitely quite a meal! Only regret, that I forgot my chopsticks at home.

Yet, in order to go to the feast, dinner with Félix was postponed. Bummer... Tonight, he invited everyone else to our dinner... Bigger bummer...

Highlight of the day (besides my fishy salad not making people sick): I was lent a CD/radio player and found a English/French Christian radio station. Listening to "I breathe You in; I breathe You out" I thought, "This sounds familar. Either it's extremely scary obsessive or it's about God..." Glad the second was true.

God is good

Last night at midnight, I called Dad who just got off of work at 6pm EST. We both recognized a change in attitude. I think God really worked on me yesterday in a restoring way.
Memorizing a recommended Scripture verse;
Looking over the city at dusk Monday night with Nannan and Ytung;
Being able to laugh at the situation when I was reading a French children's book aloud with someone to practice my pronounciation (while thinking why do I think I can conquer this language?);
Learning that as soon as my French is better, I'll be expected to lead the university students' group biweekly;
Being reminded by Dad to ask God to teach me the words to say (which is the promise I'm walking with for this French adventure),
All these things reminded me that God is great and that He is with me. Honestly, how could I believe that God is crazy in love with His beautiful HOPE kids and is with them through their trials, and not believe that He does the same towards me.

Another thought (pardon for the rambling, but then I'll share a quick funny story that my Baptist friends may want to ignore ;-)

I found an article online yesterday about the psychological and emotional toll that is taken by AIDS orphans. About the questions of insecurity that they face in expectation of their parents' deaths, of the great necessity for young teenagers to be responsible for numerous younger siblings, of the likelihood that these children will continue the cycle by contracting AIDS. HOW CAN I POSSIBLY COMPLAIN ABOUT A SELF-INFLICTED LANGUAGE BARRIER WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THESE SITUATIONS? The pondering and seeking God's will for my role in all that continues.

Funny story: I wish I could have taken a photo of myself last night sitting in a church meeting with three others, four glasses and (whoops, Baptist friends whom I love dearly may want to stop reading now) a big bottle of champagne. One of the men had just gotten married last Saturday and was probaly trying to get rid of it, so they cracked it open with crackers and peanuts. Talk about a good church meeting. ;-)

Happy Holiday!

One of the good things about having Chinese friends in France is that we get to celebrate thrice as many holidays as usual. Happy Mid-Autumn, Everyone! We're feasting Chinese style for the next two nights recognizing the full moon and this ol' tale: Once there was a woman who abandoned her husband and as punishment, she was forced to life in (on?) the moon with a pet rabbit. On Mid-Autumn night (tonight), Chinese families gather and eat a round moon cake and promise not to abandon each other. At least, that's what I understand.

In other news, I bought my first baguette this morning for 0.47 euros (75 cents). I convinced myself to buy cous-cous and cheese rather than Pepsi and popcorn. And I had good 2 euro seafood (shrimp, crab, fish) pizza for lunch. I think I might be shrinking, I mean losing weight, because of all the walking I do between my third story bedroom and the rest of the city. But then again, French milk and cheese isn't skim...

You can't take that away from me

It was a long weekend of various youth groups each night since Thursday and I accidentally made the mistake of "oui"ing ("yes"ing) too many uncomprehended questions so it looks like I have to go to another family's house for lunch today and apparently their son is going to give me a French lesson... but it's my day off and there's nothing I'd rather do than hide in the foyer and read English books. Granted, thus far, every family I've visited has been great, the introvert is ready to come out full force.

Thus, let's have some thankfulness time. I'm thankful for:
-Erik's last email which just made my day
-English books
-this computer lab
-the good, cheap Turkish food around the corner served by nice men
-a single bedroom
-comfortable sweatpants (am I getting desperate for ideas?)
-encouragement from Dad and Mom
-an invitation to dinner from a new friend, anonymously mentioned earlier
-youtube
-the Alps
-the coffee machine downstairs (I now spend 80 cents = approx. 1 dollar on coffee a day rather than 3.86 at Starbucks... P.S. John Hollenberger, I miss you being my supplier. Having learned that, please don't attempt to mail me a JavaChip frap because I don't think it'll work although of course I would have enjoyed it. :-)
(my attitude is getting better already)
-no broken limbs
-a check remimbursing me for food which I just need to figure out how to cash
-the ability to learn
**The fact that God loves me dispite my inadequacies.

During one of the youth group meetings that I wasn't understanding, I tried Kenny's suggestion to pray in the midst of unrecognizable language (good idea, especially when it's not directed at you). Then I started thinking, I should make a list of the things that I've accomplished so that I can remember that I'm not completely an idiot. First, I have a B.A., made Dean's List, deaned HOPE camp, started an a capella group, got my GS Gold Award, always got good grades, ... ah, wait a second. None of that really matters. The most important thing is that God loves me. Not because of what I've done, but because I'm His child. And you can't take that away from me. Not even in France by insisting that everyone speak French to me.

The Truth May Come Out...

Miscommunication #16 of the Day

Characters:
HEATHER- the only American in the room and who only understands about 98 percent of French conversation directed at her; has been in France for 21 days
CORALIE- a great 17 year old who is kind, helpful and patient with the language barrier

Setting:
A high school church youth group meeting. Everyone is sitting on chairs in a circle. Each person is describing what happened this summer for their partner. HEATHER is trying to internally practice her prepared sentence about CORALIE's summer. She hears the French word for Canada and tries to smile as if it is great that the twins apparently visited Canada this summer.

(CORALIE leans over to HEATHER)
C: Did you understand that?
(H shakes her head)
C: He said that they saw a beer in Canada.
(The room has become silent except for H's translator and everyone looks at H to see her reaction.)
H: A beer? In Canada?
C: Yes!
H: That's it?
(H refuses to be impressed. Further conversation continues in the group while H processes the information)
H: Oh, a bear! A bear in Canada! Ah!
(H uses hand motions to describe what she thought Coralie meant...)

_________________________________

Visited the world's largest paragliding festival, Coupe Icare, yesterday and greatly enjoyed watching the take-offs and acrobatics while my face got sunburned.

*If you want to get on my bad side, tell the person in the middle of a conversation with me to stop speaking English.

**Also, so the truth comes out, I am in fact an emotional person. I think the only people who really know that are my parents, especially Mom, Ree Enlow and HOPE staff. Tricia probaly knows too. Luis saw me breakdown once. If people here don't stop stopping communication with me in a language I understand, there are going to be a lot of Frenchmen who learn that I'm emotional too.

No Hugs?!

Again, two things, the second is more important. Yesterday while working at the Food Pantry I got quite frustrated with old ladies criticizing anyone who would speak to me in English. "She'll never learn if you speak to her in English!" There are two wonderful English ladies there that I am very happy to talk to since speaking English with almost anyone else is slow and strained. At one point, one of the critical ladies asked me if I was scared of her. After an English woman translated, I replied, "Un peu!" She felt bad and tried to smother me with a cheek kiss of apology. You can imagine my annoyance later when an 18 year old boy at the students' youth group last night said, "Speak in French!" (this is after I introduced myself and another person in French and had used my quota of French words for the hour). I leaned over to the Frenchman who has studied in Cambridge and said, "That's the sixth time I've heard that today." He suggested I tell the boy that in French. Thus began my attempt to say this seemingly simple sentence in French with the help of a friendly new acquaintance, "Qu'est le six... sixieme (sp?), sixieme moins (questionable look from the new friend)... sixieme fois que j'ai ecoute la (totally wrong word I think-- I wanted to say that but it means there)... aujourd'hui!" I knew that last word and I think I might have hit the table in exasperation. If I were fluent in French, I would have continued saying, "I thought only old women said that!" but it would have taken too much brain power. It's good that I didn't though. That's not a good way to start a relationship. And the truth is that the poor kid probaly failed English last year or is simply imitating the adults he's seen react towards Americans. It is quite tiring to be an American in France with the attitude and prejudices against me while I deal with my own personal ones. More on that another day.

As for hugs... I brought my Chinese friend, Nannan, to the students' dinner last night at the church. It was her first time to experience the French greeting of two cheek kisses before they know your name. She was surprised at first, enjoyed it the next couple of times, but then dreaded it everytime someone new walked in the door (personally I only appreciate it when it is from an attractive boy or a child...). This experience along with not understanding French at all had her nervously stressed out (welcome to my life). Trying to comfort her, we would hug and laugh occassionally. On my way home though, I was told that the French only hug their spouses and they thought we were strange. My internal reaction: You mean, that it's okay for strangers to kiss me on both cheeks but that no one is going to give me a hug for the next ten months!?!

For those of you at home, PLEASE PREPARE BIG HUGS FOR ME WHEN I RETURN! I'll be looking forward to them for the next nine months. This may be the first reason it would be better to travel with a partner... for a familiar hug... no one is specifically in mind at the moment.

Cultural Differences Part 1 and Bacteria

First, two differences between French and American eating habits and then a terrible experience concerning germs.

Last night I had dinner with a great family from the church. I had been nervous about the expected communication barrier, but thankfully the mom and dad both speak English. During our meal, the dad brought bread out and offered each person some. I politely took a piece and put in on my plate and everyone took one as well. Then he said jovially, "I can tell that you're American." "You can? (!) How?" I asked. "Look at where you put your bread." While mine was on my plate, everyone else had put their's right on to the table cloth next to their plate. We laughed as I shifted my bread on to the table and then I second-guessed myself when the father explained, "We're dirty. We're French!"

He said that there was another way to tell that I was not French. I looked around the table and didn't see a difference between me and the four French family members. He said, "Your hands aren't on the table." While I was taught to keep one hand in my lap and never to put my elbows on the table before I'm finished and have folded the napkin, French children are taught to actually keep their hands on the table. How funny it was for me to try to keep both hands occupied above the table. Try it!

Now the terrible experience thus far of the day. Before lunch, this germaphobe washed her hands in the bathroom on the first floor of the girl's dorm, thankful that this restroom has soap. The soap is a little strange, literally soap-on-a-pole hanging above the sink, but soap regardless. I settled down with a bowl of spaghetti and opened up a borrowed book, Talk to the Snail: Ten Commandments for Understanding the French by Stephen Clarke. The following was found on pages 11-12:

"Some other examples of this universally unwanted French inventiveness are ...The primitive soap dispensers that used to be fitted in French cafe toilets. An oval cake of soap was loaded on to a curved metal bar screwed to the wall above the sink. In theory this was a good idea, as it saved the soap from falling on the floor or melting away in the sink. In practice it was disgusting, because the (usually bright-yellow) cake of soap mostly served as an exhibition space for the yuk that the previous occupant of the toilet had smeared on it. The world was very lucky that the liquid-soap dispenser was invented and killed off the French prototype."

Yes, the soap here is the same bright-yellow and I am extremely grateful that at least I wasn't eating lunch with my hands. I need to find more hand sanitizer...

Table Manners

I know it looks like I'm obsessed with the computer (only before noon) but I wanted to share this asap. Over lunch with Nannan, one of my new Chinese friends, she asked me what my family usually eats at home. I first thought of chili and explained that it is a soup with tomatoes and meat it in. "Oh, rat?" she inquired. "Rat?" I repeated. "Does it have rat in it?" "No... It's beef." "Oh, okay." I tried to think of other things we eat at home but had a very difficult time not laughing out loud. :-)

Grumpy McGrump Grump

Grumpy girl here. You know that feeling when you're really excited to do something for someone else and you think it's important so you plan it out for a couple days, praying about it... then as you're about to take the leap, you find out that amazon won't ship all books to France, including the one for someone else and another good one for yourself... Hmph. Guess I need to go back to the praying board on this one. For those of you who have easy access to a Christian library (or your own), enjoy it! It's strange and perhaps useless to have so many good books at home on my shelf when I'm across an ocean with only a few English books here. Then again, some people don't have any books or the ability to read. I should be thankful.

Thanks, Kenny, for your suggestions about good books to read. I've been checking them out on the amazon that failed me. And yes, Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger is good. I enjoyed Charles Swindoll's Improve Your Serve this summer but was unable to finish it because time ran out. Really appreciated its focus upon a humble servant's attitude.

Returning to the topic of thankfulness, let me share a quick story from this summer from HOPE camp. One Thursday evening, our group of campers and counselors gathered at the front door of the chapel after a long day and Mr. Keith said, "Are there any problems that we need to address before we go in to worship God? Are we at peace?" No one mentioned any problems, but as we began entering the chapel, I leaned over to another counselor and honestly said, "I don't feel at peace with the kids but I don't know how to address it." Once we sat down together in the front pews, Mr. Keith asked us what we were thankful for. I can't remember why I was so frustrated, but for a few minutes, I actually couldn't think of things I was thankful for. Yet as the campers and other counselors began sharing what they were thankful, I realized that of course there are a lot of things to be thankful for: daily food and rest, family, friends, faith, shelter, safety, God's grace and forgiveness, education, music, health, etc (please don't judge this as a priority list). These thoughts calmed my heart and prepared me for worship that evening. Since then, I have often begun listing things for which I am thankful and it lifts my spirit.

Even though my hoped for books aren't going to be arriving this week, I don't need to be grumpy because there are so many other blessings in life.

Let It Rain

Last night, I played cards with two Chinese girls sitting on a blanket on the floor of a dorm room, drinking Chinese tea and listening to Chinese music. I was surprised to really enjoy the music that reminded me of the relaxing (cough, cough) "Wait for Me, Love" cd that Miss Nikki used to play during bedtime at HOPE camp '05. As I sipped my tea that had large unfamilar leaves in it and listened to the girls talk in Chinese, I thought, "How lucky I am to be here." Yes, I am indeed in France but living at a girls' dorm for international students. I think that I'm the only American in this dorm, but I've met girls from Mexico, Canada, Morocco, Belgium, England and Estonia.

Speaking of my new Chinese friends, I've already broken one of their expectations of Americans. I surprised them by liking one of their seaweed dishes over rice. In fact, my behavior was called "incredible". It's a little like the reaction the French give me when I ask for more of their smelly cheese. Of course, I don't call it smelly cheese; they do. I think my newly acquired taste for blue cheese arrived just in time.

It's difficult not to brag about living so close to the Alps, but assuming that I won't have the opportunity to do this often, forgive me. Last weekend, I went climbing in the Alps. Who does that?! I went with the father and the thirteen year old son of the family that's welcomed me into their home for respite from the city on weekends. Those who know me from camp know that I'm not good at climbing and I'm scared of heights. Yet I was happily surprised that I climbed higher than my 18ft comfort level threshold. Especially since I was wearing borrowed shoes that were too small and bent my toes at the knuckles-- that was uncomfortable! A little like climbing in China with bound feet, I imagine.

It rained for the first time last night since I arrived in Grenoble. Now rain and thunder are sounds I can sleep to, unlike the dumpster truck, people yelling and cars crashing into poles under my window. I think as soon as I can figure out how to walk to the mountains across the river, I will be able to handle this city a little bit better.

It's About Time

I've finally done it. Here's now a blog about my experiences in France as was recommended months ago by the fine ladies at Faith Baptist.

Disclaimer: Crying Onion Tears is not intended to evoke images of me bawling in the solitude while in a foreign country. Not at all. Rather, it is a reference to an analogy I heard years ago that growing closer to God is like peeling an onion. You want to get rid of the papery skin to get to the good part of an onion but sometimes it causes you to cry. Likewise, growing closer to God by striving to strip away sinful tendencies is not always easy and may make us cry onion tears. That's not a bad thing. It's like a child's growing pains.

Now my family and friends can be updated at their convienence and I won't have to copy and paste updates into personal emails as often. If I happen to post often, it is probaly because there is a very convienent computer lab two floors down and this workaholic country girl with few required work hours is more comfortable on the web than wandering this foreign city where men have confronted me for my coffee (this morning) and I don't plan to spend much money. Did I mention I don't speak French well?

Regardless, please excuse my contemplations about the breakdown (hopefully) of prejudices, passions for neglected children, the desire to live my faith and debates about my next step in life. And since I often find myself in awkward situations, I will try to share them with a light spirit. If nothing else, hopefully this blog will allow my parents to know that I am alive.