Last Day of Maternity Leave

I had high hopes for this maternity leave.  I thought I would take a spiritual retreat, deepening my faith, memorizing Scripture.  I thought we would venture off to D.C. for a vacation of sorts visiting as many museums as we could.  I thought I would...

Instead, I have fed my baby around the clock, made many doctors appointments, washed a load of diapers every other day, watched every episode of this season's America's Got Talent, started watching online episodes of "Up All Night" while breastfeeding, taken a million photographs of the youngest member of our family and spent two marvelous nights up in the Catskills with great friends.

There's not enough time in the day to do everything I want to do.  But I love watching Little Boy's every move and trying to catch him growing before my eyes.  I enjoy "grown-up" conversation and my high pitched babble to Little Boy in an attempt to keep him from crying.  I'm impressed that after every bath he can drool so much it drips down his face and into his hair.  And he's on the verge of smiling at us.  We're exhausted but happy.

And tomorrow I head back to work part-time.  Another adventure begins where people may not be so patient with Little Boy's cries, his feeding schedule or my sleep-deprivation.  However, it is quite likely that Little Boy will bring joy to others that I can't offer them myself, that they will hear his cries with less anxiety than we feel and that I may be able to drink enough coffee to hide my sleep deprivation for a few hours a week.

Surely everything will be fine.

4th, 5th and 6th of July

In the Catskills, we watched three firework displays from the deck, played board games, rode a motorboat and pontoon boat around a lake 1 mile long, cast off the deck and went "trolling", ate s'mores, waded in the lake, chatted over snacks and meals, watched the sunset over the other side of the lake and fed our baby every two hours who slept through our adventures while being watched by Grammy.  Great friends/family, great fun.  "This must be what heaven is like..."  -E

50 days until my due date!  That's seven weeks until June 24th and only four weeks before I'm considered full-term.  Wow!  This little boy is often stretching and hiccuping and you can see my belly move, probably from across the room.  Unfortunately every time I try to catch the movement on film, little boy settles down before the camera's on.  


A couple days ago, I suddenly freaked out that if the baby comes early, we don't have a place for him to sleep.  Technically we do, but it's not set up yet.  I desperately need to be patient for Eric to finish his last final on Thursday before I try to get him on board about baby prep.  And on May 26th, the church is planning a baby shower so I also need to be patient to see what we'll need to get ourselves before little one comes.  


Very excited about little man's arrival.  Of course I'm nervous but hopefully within the next month, Eric and I can take a labor class (May 10th), pack our bags, get life insurance, write wills, learn how to fold cloth diapers and feel ready for this adjustment.  And if the little one can keep baking until June 15th, I'll gracefully wrap up nannying for this family when school ends.  Am I ever thankful that I shouldn't be pregnant in midsummer since I already get overheated just sitting still or standing in conversation.  Exciting times ahead!

In fifteen minutes, I will have been baking this baby for 31 weeks!  I feel like as I get closer to the finish line, I should stop to do a happy dance more often.  Surely these next nine weeks or so are going to fly by.  Time just doesn't stop moving and before I know it, I'm going to have a little boy to get to know.

Whereas it presently takes me a week or two to figure out which tiny baby outfits I can wash together so the colors don't bleed and how not to shrink the already impossibly small outfits, I am going to very soon need to get accustomed to throwing in regular loads of baby laundry including cloth diapers.  At this point, I have no idea how I will be able to get out of the house in a reasonable amount of time with a daily baby to do list and I don't know how I'll be able to carry everything.  Right now, I feel loaded down just carrying my laptop and Bible... how will I add a baby and diaper bag?!

I'm exhausted now even though I can sleep for 10 hours straight.  What will it feel like to be recovering from giving birth while trying to appease, I mean care for, a newborn who doesn't know that nighttime is for sleeping?

Very soon a baby's going to come and I don't think I have any idea how different my lifestyle is going to be.

Welcome to the 3rd Trimester!

I'm not sure if entering one's third trimester is actually an achievement worth celebrating because apparently the most difficult three months are ahead, but at least it means I'm getting closer to seeing our little man's face.

As is to be expected of first time mamas, I am full of a variety of thoughts and emotions:

I can't wait to hear him giggle and laugh.

I hope he's healthy.

What will Eric do will I'm in labor?

What will I do when I'm in labor?

When will little man make his appearance?

Will I be able to get him out of the house in a reasonable amount of time so I can enjoy adult conversation and keep working?

Imagine, in four months, changing diapers and breastfeeding will (hopefully) be normal.

I'm so grateful this stage in life is coming.

I might be crazy.

Hopefully he isn't colicky... but if he is, hopefully I don't go crazy.

Looking forward to enjoying salmon rolls and red wine again.

I'll be disappointed if he doesn't like the baby sling that I dream of carrying him in.

Hope he likes his name.

Hope I don't forget him somewhere.

The concerns go on and on.

Most of all, I want to be able to control my anxiety, make wise decisions, have a strong marriage and raise kids who love God and others.

Goal Setting

In five months, my life is going to change dramatically. It will take me longer to get out of the house. I'll have more to carry whenever I go out. I will probably have more surprises in my day. More doctor's appointments. More giggles and smiling. More smells and more joy.

That being said, I have a couple things I ought to do before that time comes along.

#1. Learn how to use my camera. (find my charger... find my camera!)

#2. Learn/practice yoga, meditation and relaxation practices. Try to be less anxious.

#3. Figure out the next step in my ordination process. Maybe write some rough drafts of the paperwork.

#4. Sort the clutter hidden behind the closet doors and in drawers. Throw out unnecessary paperwork.

#5. Pamper myself. Enjoy peace and quiet.