Gratitude and Anticipation

I was walking home this afternoon carrying groceries thinking about the numerous things I appreciate about life at the moment. Since we're facing the prospect of big changes, I think it's appropriate to take a moment to list the things we enjoy as we start our second year of marriage:

- living within walking distance of a grocery store and the library

- not living within hearing distance of a train or church bells

- being able to see friends often (not all friends, but some great ones)

- free internet thanks to generous neighbors

- a level bed (I kept complaining about it when I was sick until thanks to my parents and Eric, they figured out how to help... you have no idea how a crooked bed can mess up your back!)

- his/her closets

- good water pressure

- good flavored water from the sink

- a quiet and safe suburban neighborhood

Things we're looking forward to someday acquiring:

- a guest bedroom

- more kitchen counter space

- air-conditioning (more for E since he's used to it)

- a bigger bed

As I write this, I'm thinking about you Kenny and the lifestyle you've chosen living in a slum. I never wanted to be the suburban wife, never wanted to be comfortable in American culture. I can definitely say I'm not comfortable in the culture around me, but Sherri reminds me not to be sucked into the "bigger is better" mentality that surrounds us. How difficult that is when some of the people we love show that mindset.

I certainly married the man who said he'd be willing to move to Uganda with me but here we are making our home in one of the wealthiest states in the US. As the dean taught me, it's just a phase. We'll see what future phases hold.

Morning Routine (2nd day in a row):

This morning I woke up around 7am, watched the Bachelorette online while doing two loads of laundry and after a breakfast of Spanish rice and nachos (is that weird?), I did this 19 minute workout: Bootcamp Body Makeover (beginner). I wouldn't recommend doing this routine with a male significant other if her see-through top would be distracting... However, it made me feel a lot better about myself than the 20 Minute Sweat Workout of which I only got through the first five minutes of strength training before my strength ran out.

Here's to the hope!

Tonight I walked about two miles. Eric had handbell choir so I decided to walk to the church while he was rehearsing and hope that he saw me on the way home in order to pick me up. Despite my dad and Eric's doubts that my plan would work, I didn't have to walk a total of five miles roundtrip. :-)

Thank God I started intentionally exercising today because I found myself stressing out over job opportunities/closings. I'm also thankful that I have great positive people in my life who continue to be supportive and realistic. Here's to the hope of even better things!

Accountability

Yesterday I was googling "how to motivate yourself to exercise" and came across the intriguing advice to blog about your exercise habits.

Recently I have been doing nothing more than occasional walks and I picked up a 5pd weight once in the past month. However my sister's wedding is in twenty days and I want to look better as a bridesmaid than I did at Amanda's wedding three weeks ago. So here's my goal: defined arms and calves for Katie's bridesmaid dress and maybe a washboard stomach for desired swimming in NH lakes. :-) I'll just consider the photos from Amanda's wedding my starting point and we'll see what happens.

This morning as soon as Eric left, I visited a website recommended to me months ago by Sherri called "ExerciseTV." I found this 21 minute dance video and completed it before Eric got to work. So instead of vegging in front of online tv, I've already exercised! And the coach in the video made me feel good about myself with her generalized compliments which I happily accepted. :-)

Also, this article discusses the benefits of movement for depression and stress. I wouldn't say I'm depressed right now, but stressed, yes. Just hoping to find a great job before Eric returns to school. So here's to online accountability to exercise.

Now off to the grocery store to stock up on fresh vegetables (spaghetti squash, spinach, tomatoes, onions), canned/frozen vegetables (artichokes, peas and carrots), chicken, beef, scallops and rice. I've been looking forward to making a few dishes all weekend (spaghetti squash and scallops, chicken curry, spinach and artichoke dip). These were all successful dishes early last week that I've been craving but I also need to keep adding dishes to my repertoire. Maybe something fruity!

And then I'll submit one more job application...

1 Year

Yesterday marked my first one year wedding anniversary. For the past eleven months, Eric and I have celebrated our month anniversaries which have had varying levels of excitement (flowers, special meals, forgotten nothings). To celebrate we went to Red Lobster where we had wanted to go after our wedding reception but didn't because of a long wait. Talk about a long wait-- a year! And we enjoyed a hotel room with a jacuzzi. It was fun. Now we've been there and done that and it's time for other adventures. Above is our first annual family photo in front of our current residence. I'm looking forward to seeing what changes are in store for us in future years!Last week was my childhood best friend's wedding in North East, PA. We enjoyed the ceremonies, lots of familiar grapes and wine in the wine country I call home and I was able to show Eric my childhood stomping grounds including the Erie Zoo.

I was surprised how often I repeated, "I used to dream about being a (panda bear, otter, etc.)... well, not really being the animal, but living in this cage..."

Oh, yeah. And a week before Mandy's wedding was my graduation. I am apparently now a master of divinity. Sounds good, right? ;-)

And finally, now as I apply to a variety of jobs that are so varied it cracks me up, I am trying to learn how to make new recipes. In the past week, I've learned to make Artichoke and Garlic Spaghetti, Thai Green Curry with Chicken and tonight's special, Spaghetti Squash and Scallops.

I'm feeling quite proud of my growing culinary skills and grateful for this moment in time.

Ketchup of the past 5 Months

Wow, did I really not post for five months? Sorry about that.

I just completed my last semester at Drew Theological School and last Saturday, I graduated with an M.Div. :) I have greatly enjoyed the education and would recommend it to anyone with three years of time on their hands and an interest in religion and society.

Halfway through Lent, my little disease flared up and I spent a month and a half trying natural means to get better. Praise God, it worked!! It was still rough, but I didn't go to the hospital which means I won't be receiving hospital bills for the next six months! I'm so grateful I was well just enough to be able to host my parents and my parents-in-law for three days of graduation activities all culminating with me preaching on Sunday morning. I certainly felt supported and loved and after everyone left, I slept for three and a half hours.

This past semester, I've thoroughly grieved the parting of friends across the country and a change in my lifestyle and beloved community. So now that I face a summer of part-time work and much time on my own, I think I'll handle the change alright.

It helps to have a cat! I convinced Eric to get a four year old, tailless cat last week and she's keeping us great company. Her name is Pi and she had a sister named Radius in her past family. Not only does Pi provide us with company and entertainment, but she also gives us just a couple chores to do throughout the day and the reminder that we can successfully care for another. Granted it's only been a week but I think she's the perfect addition to our little family.

So that's the past five months in a wrap. Now I'm wondering what I should learn next? One has SO MUCH MORE FREE TIME without classes. No deadlines hanging over my head. It's amazing. So, should I learn a couple languages in case I decide I'd like a phd? Or should I learn how to juggle? Or how to make sushi (that's going to happen!)? Any other ideas?

A Long Break

I just spent possibly my last January break doing very little. I was mostly a consumer of online videos and blogs. I bought five books, borrowed about ten from the library and read none. I played Monopoly, Settlers of Catan and Phase Ten with my husband and other great friends multiple times a week. I cautiously drank caffeinated beverages and went walking everything I felt stressed out. I visited family and friends, cherishing moments of passionate honest conversation, children's funny remarks and babies' smiles and giggles. I did some cleaning but not enough. I worked part-time in the afternoons to help top off our income. I just spent five weeks doing very little and I survived.

Honestly, I was a bit scared I'd get sick since the two bouts of inflammatory bowel disease I've had have flared up during my school breaks. I am so grateful that my husband is willing to go for walks even when he's irritated at me and we need to talk something out. I'm grateful for family friends who have opened their doors wide open and said, "We're not inviting you again-- you should know you're always welcome." Cuddles on the couch with kids, a non-accusatory counselor who excused my video-watching as necessary escapism and time to learn how to cook tuna fish casserole, Amish Friendship bread, deviled eggs and shrimp dip have all been appreciated this month. Visits from two of our best friends who no longer live with us were highlights of the break. Reading my grandmother's marked up Bible was also a precious moment.

Indeed, I have felt a lot of anxiety this month regarding the possibility of an impending bout, watching a car hit a deer in front of me in the dark, both of our cars creaking with procrastinated needs, weekly snow storms leading to questioning the safety of going to work in opposite directions, body image questions as I try to figure out what a healthy weight and food portions are for me, the artificial stress of trying to win board games while deeply knowing that we're trying to figure out how to make it in the real world, the newlywed arguments about expectations, etc.

However, many good things have happened, see above. I'm grateful and a burden has definitely lifted having gotten through break without getting sick. My counselor expects it to take a minimum of a year to feel emotionally stable again after this last hospitalization. That means I'm halfway there. Interesting concept that it takes time to heal-- I don't think I like it because it's out of my hands...

Anyway, classes start on Tuesday. My last semester as a theological student. I love school. But I'm tired. Tired of writing papers only a professor reads, of trying to please to get an A, of the "I don't know where I'll be next year" feeling.

I'm desperately trying to quiet the voice inside of me that desires to adopt right now. I'm trying to appreciate this pre-kid stage and to figure out how the chores should be divided between us. Where are the lines between appreciated dependance and unappreciated doing too much? How can E and I keep growing as responsible adults without doing everything for each other? Where is love-- "I love you so I'll do that for you." and "I love you so I'll let you learn how to do that." Having heard stories about elderly widows and widowers who never needed to learn how to drive, how to cook, etc. and the struggle they face after the death of their loved ones, I want E and I to be capable of being independent. How can that happen when we married young and when we don't want to be independent?

I kind of want to have a vacation from vacation-- to have time to forget my questions and anxieties, to talk with E as if we were still dating and not so intwined in each other's lives, to feel carefree and giddy. I suppose the up-side at this point is that I know I'm loved, that we are committed to each other-- we're just trying to figure out what that looks like.

All of these ramblings are for my own processing, perhaps a dangerous thing on the internet but it's honest. I love and care about many people. I desire to line up my heart with my actions in order to live out my love. I need to figure out the home front first.