And the floods rushed in...

The waterworks arrived today, as was predicted. After too little sleep and a 30 walk to the food pantry while mentally calculating my limited food and travel budget with the pressure of cooking for tonight's soiree, I was unable to control my emotions when two short old ladies cornered me insisting, "Parle français! Dis quelque chose!" I had been trying to be polite, asking a German woman where she was from but she didn't understand my attempt, so I said, "Ce n'est important." I think they misunderstood me, that they thought I said speaking French was unimportant. I want to find the humor in the situation, but imagine any one's reaction to being forced to speak immediately, let alone in a foreign language... it'd probably be frustration, perhaps with anger or tears like me. And this wasn't just the single tear. I excused myself from the cornering with a few "Un moment," and began crying with full lung capacity sobs (not wailing though, I don't do that). Maybe I'm a shy person who doesn't speak often in my native tongue anyway... (yeah, yeah, yeah; I know I can't really claim that excuse, but I have shy moments!).

I have nothing against learning French. Of course, I want the freedom of communicating with more people here and being able to express myself. But I don't do well with being overwhelmed... Surprising comment from the girl who double-majored, performed in three plays in a month and used to thrive on busyness in the past. Maybe it's the stress spectrum that Mom and Dad often mentioned to me last year. Maybe leaving Jville for perhaps the last time, selling my car and disconnecting my cell phone (no more easy access to friends and family) to move to France, having various things not work the way I expected, the culture shock setting in as I adapt to city life, etc... perhaps these are causes of my reaction. Perhaps I just am not doing well with being overwhelmed at the moment.

I can feel my body begin to relax finally as I listen to Jason Upton and plan to take a nap before starting the cooking fiasco again with the student's group tonight. Life is truly far from terrible and will be even less so after I get a nap.